How Beautiful

How beautiful, the Body of Christ, when we can put aside differences, work together, and be a model for the rest of the world. Honestly, there's nothing like it.

Take, for example, the priests who brawled in Bethlehem.

Oh, wait.

That's not showing harmony in the Body of Christ at all.

Jackasses.

My Stomach is Rarely This Happy

So, Rachel and I went out for lunch today. It was an odd day, I had to meet with my boss for a little bit right as she was ready for lunch, so I wasn't able to cook for us, like I have been lately. So we went out for lunch.

To Maria's Tacos. Man, I love that place. We got enough for lunch and dinner (or perhaps lunch tomorrow, not sure which way we'll go on that). That place has 100% perfect burritos, amazing chips and salsa, and I've never had a bad piece of food there. My stomach is so happy, and there's more food for later.

But, a trip to Maria's Tacos, as good as it is, is hardly blog post-worthy. What is, however, was the gentleman who was waiting on us. I kid you not, it was Caesar, from Gilmore Girls. That's right ... the guy who helped Luke out. He sounded exactly like him. He had mannerisms just like him. He was friendly and talkative just like him. He even kind of looked like him. It was kinda weird. I almost asked him if he had any chilled bananas.

Anyways, adding Maria's Tacos to Monday's Jac n Do's and Tuesday's Hong Kong Buffet makes me very happy. Now, all I need to do is mix in a little Dietsch Brothers ice cream and my Findlay Food Week can be complete.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Yes, yes he is.

And, here's the proof





Isn't it wonderful when technology works to enhance and enrich and modernize old traditions? It almost feels like we're using it properly when that happens.




Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Fun with Wikipedia

I love Wikipedia. It's a good fun site for quick lookups and starts on in-depth research. But, even more than Wikipedia itself, I love Wikipedia games.

For example, join me as I play Wiki-Band.

This is how it works. Go to Wikipedia. Use the "random article" function. The first article is the name of your band. The second article is the name of your album. The next 12-15 are the names of the tracks on your album.

For example, here's mine:

Band Name: Cultural Safety
Album Name: Oswald Watt Gold Medal

1. Aeschines
2. Grey Bunting
3. Teúl de González Ortega
4. Dhivehi League
5. Spike: Old Times
6. Tirunesh Dibaba
7. Ran (film)
8. Laserpitium latifolium
9. Patrick Kisnorbo
10. Bell 400
11. Lilies of the Field
12. Sankofa
13. Ridin' High (Moxy album)
14. Franky Vandendriessche
15. Weddersleben


My band is awesome. I imagine we're some sort of hybrid between Releint K and Showbread. Awesome.

For Jenette ...

I'm not sure I've ever dedicated a blog entry to anyone before, but there's a first time for everything, right?

So this entry goes out to Jenette. Mainly because when I read the clip I'm going to post below, I immediatly thought of her, mainly because I have no problem at all picturing the described interaction happening in her household. Mainly the nicknames, and the last line celebration, but none of it is all that much of a stretch.

Of course, having said that, it's also not much of a stretch to imagine it happening in my household, either, assuming Rachel and I ever have children. Nor is it difficult to imagine it happening between Ryan and Andrea. Or, well, a whole host of my married friends. It seems we're all pretty odd.

Without further ado, I present a copy-paste job of this week's much anticipated, many times postponed, and highly hillarious Sports Gal's Rant, via the Bill Simmons Mail Bag from December 14th:

Since giving birth six weeks ago, I haven't picked up an Us Weekly, read pagesix.com or watched a movie from start to finish. My whole life revolves around nursing my son, or as I like to call it, "giving the boob." (We'll call it the GTB from now on.) With all the diets out there, I'm blown away there isn't a Hollywood Lactation diet. I mean, you lose 500 calories a day -- that's at least one sprinkles cupcake or a large Pinkberry with fruity pebbles on top! How come there isn't a breast pump for non-moms called the "Fat-Sucker" on QVC? If Britney had only known, maybe she would have given up the Vodka Red Bulls post-partem and hit the breast pump.

Unlike some new moms who wake up every two hours, I'm not losing much sleep because I sleep facing my baby. If he gets hungry during the night, I just pop open a button and he's ready to eat. Sometimes, I'll even fall back asleep for the rest of the night this way -- Bill calls it the "24-Hour Drive-Thru." Bill loves making breast-feeding jokes. If the baby is hungry in the morning, Bill shouts, "Give him the boobs benedict!" If he's crying in the afternoon, Bill says, "Give him the boobs marsala!" or the "boobs and chips!"

We have a good sense of humor about GTB in the Simmons family. Even when our daughter lifted up her shirt and tried to GTB her brother once, we thought it was funny and never considered having her see a psychiatrist. Another good thing about breast-feeding: When you leave your house, just bring a nursing frock and you're good to go. I know I'm upsetting the La Leche League here, but I'm in the Barbara Walters school -- you shouldn't GTB outside your immediate family unless you're being discreet. One of my male friends recently watched his friend's wife GTB right in front of him, without a frock, and couldn't even carry a conversation because he was so rattled. I felt bad for him, and not just because Bill would pass out in the same situation. Anyone who GTB's without a frock needs to get over themselves.

Lastly, you can multi-task when you're GTB-ing. In fact, I wrote this whole rant during a GTB session and probably burned 150 calories. Woo-hoo!!!

I Miss John Stewart

I miss John Stewart and Stephen Colbert

And I know I'm not alone

I hope they end the strike soon ...

But, in the meantime, maybe this can tide you over.

Loss of Man Card

So, on Thursday nights, some fellas from my church go to Wings 'n' Things here in town to watch the NFL Network Thursday night game. I've been the last two weeks, and both times people have had to have their man cards threatened.

The first week, Ryan and Trevor (or as I call them TrevoRyan) decided that during the first quarter of the game they'd discuss the Bachelor. Yes, the crappy reality television show where the dude picks a woman to date after sleeping with 14 other chicks. Or however it actually works. Now, granted, the topic of the Bachelor came up because we were discussing the awesome state of NFL quarterbacks, and Jesse Palmer was once an NFL quarterback and the Bachelor. But, still, talking about the Bachelor while out with two other guys watching football is grounds to have your man card temporarily suspended.

But in paled in comparison the horrible offense committed last night.

There are four of us last night for the game, and unlike the previous week the entire place wasn't completely dedicated to the game. There was a women's college hoops game on a few of the flat panels (and let me tell you that is not why God gave us flat panel televisions), there was Versus on a few (so we got to watch deer and buffalo hunting on tv ... odd), the game was on most of the TVs, and the jukebox was on.

And so I'm sitting there watching the Texans-Broncos game, making countless jokes about the greatness of a quarterback named "Sage", eating fries and buffalo wings, when the unthinkable happens.

Over the speakers, from the jukebox, comes Kelly Clarkson and "Because of You". During a football game, when I'm trying to eat my man food. And I couldn't do it. I had to put my wing down until the song was over, because it just didn't feel manly enough to eat a buffalo wing while that song was blaring.

And I don't know who put that song on during a football game, but whomever it was, when we find out who you are, your man card will be suspended for a long, long time.

100th Post

Here it is ... my 100th post on this blog.

Not sure it's a milestone worth celebrating or whatnot, but at least there's a good story for it.

And it involves something kind of like the number 100 ... well, at least something that involves two identical round objects.

Tonight marked my first trip to Hooters. Great atmosphere for watching a football game, really good food (had hot wings and jalapeño chili nachos), and an overall fun time. Had heard about the good food for a while, but wasn't close to one or had an actual reason to go until tonight. And of course, the reason to go is because where I'm at the Stillers game wasn't local, and the two BW3s I tried to go to were full beyond belief.

But of course, just going isn't enough to make this a worthwhile story for my 100th entry on this blog.

My company is.

I went with my wife.

And my mother-in-law.

Soup For You?

Attention people local to me:

At Thanksgiving, I made sure my mother-in-law didn't throw out our turkey carcass. Rather, I spent time that evening making homemade stock out of it. That stock is currently frozen in my freezer, along with turkey meat. That means all I have to do to make homemade turkey frame soup is get the veggies and the noodles, and let it cook itself.

So, here lies my problem: lots of stock for a big pot of soup, itty bitty freezer. (Say that line again, but this time say it like Genie from Aladin. It's more fun that way. Trust me. Do it! Do it now!)

So, I'm looking for some people who want to get together and have turkey frame soup for dinner with Rachel and I. If you've never had it, it's not that dissimilar to chicken noodle soup, only it's made from turkey.

If you're interested, let me know and we can set up a time.

As Monty Python Might Say ...

I'm not dead yet.

I'm getting better.

I ... feel ... happy!

So, after getting more sleep in two days than I got some entire weeks while I was in school (both BGSU and ONU), I think this head cold from hades is finally starting to go away. All I've got left is some serious fatigue and a little tickle in the back of my throat.

And so I have the following request:

In an age of technology so great, can someone please, please, please find a way to make a Tylenol Cold & Flu that doesn't taste like really crummy blue syrup from the shaved ice vendor at the zoo? Please? Is it that difficult to do?

Now, typically, I just use Ghetto-Quill (the Equate version of NyQuil), but we ran out this time, and we had Tylenol Cold & Flu, so I used that instead of going to the store to buy Ghetto-Quill. And I don't mind the taste of Ghetto-Quill. But the Tylenol Cold & Flu was just 100% nasty. I have to believe someone, somewhere can fix it.

Sniffle, Sniffle, Cough

Ugh.

I'm sick.

I hate being sick.

I've got a head cold.

I hate head colds.

The congestion, the drowsiness, the sore throat, the phlegm. I hate it. All of it.

I think I may just go back to bed today.

What is this again?

Hmmm

yeah.

On November 2nd I already had two blogs posted this month.

Today is the 29th. This will be the third. Oops.

Sometimes when I don't blog for a while, you should worry about me. It could be a sign that I'm getting down and depressed. This time, that's not the case. I've just been busy. With Thanksgiving, and seeing three of four parents, and work, and Rachel's parties, and fraternity stuff, it's just been a hectic month.

But I'm good. Just busy. And it's not like things are gonna clear up anytime soon. Not with Christmas around the corner, more work, more parties for Rachel, maintaining programming for the fraternity, and trying to see three of four parents again this month (different three, though), I don't see it letting up.

Although, I do have a declaration. Since, oh, about 2nd grade, I've been overweight and noticeably so. Well, I'm tired of that. So, I'm starting a diet and exercise program, along with Rachel, to lose sixty pounds. I'm hoping that by the time the last political campaign ad for the 2008 elections is aired (and God, how I can't wait for that to happen) my goal will be met.

So, if you see me on a regular basis, keep me accountable. And if you come to a table with me to break bread, keep me accountable. Please.

Bumper Stickers

Normally, I don't like bumper stickers. I really detest having to try to see how many words I can read in as small a font as possible from the back of a car in front of me. I really find things like "In case of Rapture, this car will be unmanned" to be unfunny and not very witty. I'm not big on political bumper stickers, either for causes or candidates. I really don't get the point of the "Calvin peeing on something" decals, either. I can kind of see sports teams and former schools you attended being on there, but that's still not for me.

However, I may have found a bumper sticker that might make me rethink it:

Even In My Dreams

Sometimes, things just don't go well. For you, the people and sports teams you support, and so on.

But I think it's gotten out of hand. Even in my dreams my favorite teams don't do well.

Case in point, I had a dream last night about the 2008 ALCS. Indians-Boston. Game seven was in Cleveland. I was watching the game with R.C. Foshizzle, though I'm not sure where, becaase I didn't recognize the house we were in. Anyway, the dream starts in the bottom of the 8th inning, the Indians batting, and down 4-2. There is one out, and Andy Marte, batting ninth, steps to the plate. He smacks a double down the left field line that barely stays fair, bringing Grady Sizemore to the plate.

The Jake is going crazy, Ryan and I are going crazy, and it looks like things might turn around. Grady Sizemore steps to the plate and hits the first pitch he sees back up the middle, but it takes a high bounce over the center fielder's head, and gets into the corner. Grady puts on all the jets and scores on an inside-the-park-homerun, tying the game up at four. Ryan and I are going crazier, and the Jake is going crazier, and Fox zooms to show Indians closer Rafael Betancourt getting lose in the pen, just in case the Indians take the lead here.

Asdrubal Cabrera works a walk, and then Travis Hafner gets plunked on the arm, and then another walk is issued to Victor Martinez.

So here's the scenario: Bases loaded, one out, tied game. Bottom of the 8th inning, game seven of the ALCS. A deep fly ball will put the Indians three outs away from meeting the Pirates in the World Series (who had apparently swept the Mets in the NLCS). Ryan Garko steps into the batters box, and swings at a first pitch fastball and ...

come one now, you all can guess what happens, right?


Give it a guess ...

go on ...

go on ...

go on ...

And get yourself a cookie if you predicted GIDP, inning over, Boston coming to bat.


And of course, I wake up at this point in time. But, I just knew that they blew the game and lost it.

Even in my dreams, the Indians can't win. That's how bad it's gotten.

Oh well ... at least it was a break from what's been the theme of my dreams for the last few weeks, but I'll have to blog about that later.

The Great Pumpkin

Had to share this for Halloween ...

Superdork

There are days when the level my dorkdom reaches surprises even me.

Take today, for instance, when I was putting some things away. For my birthday, my mother-in-law gave me the A New Hope Infinities Graphic Novel.

Now, I have a growing collections of Star Wars Graphic Novels. And they are together on a bookshelf in chronological order. And so I had to ponder for several minutes where in the collection I should put a graphic novel that belongs to a parallel timeline.

For now, I put it on the other side of the Essential Guidebooks, but we'll see where it end up ...

Reason #1138 Why I Love My Church

Because, seriously, would your church enhance the experience of those attending service by having a strobe light in use during communion?

I highly doubt it.

One day, when money is able to flow more freely for us, we'll have to gift a strobe light to church for nights like this.

Aging

So, I'm getting old(er). I realize it every morning. I wake up, and at least three joints on my body ache. Every day. Some of the joints rotate, some of them don't. My right knee is a pretty good constant. If a day ends in Y, I'm pretty sure I'll wake up and my right knee will be aching.

My back is also a pretty big constant. It aches every morning. But, then again, it also aches just about every waking second of the day. I sometimes feel like I live on Bayer Back & Body the way I used to live on Mountain Dew when I was at Northern.

And I constantly find myself complaining about "kids these days". They don't wear enough clothing. Their music doesn't have enough meaning and heart. They don't have enough respect for their elders. They don't really know half the stuff they talk about. They don't remember what life was like before x, y, and z. And on, and on, and on.

And so I've known about these factors for a while. And yes, I just had a birthday this past weekend (Thank you JD Drew for ruining it, you selfish bastard). But today, I finally realized just how much I'm aging.

I realized that when I'm not near enough to Columbus (meaning I can get RadioU), I pretty much use the radio in my car for three things: sports, AM news in the morning (with the local guy), and the Classic Rock station.

Yup, that makes me headed in the old direction. If I'm not already there.

Ha! I'm Not Alone!

So, I've taken quite a bit of ridicule from my wife over the past few weeks. As the Indians went to the playoffs, and advanced into the ALCS, I began to notice that certain behaviors I had correlated with some decent level to the outcome on the field. The things I ate, the clothes I wore, the places I sat.

And I wasn't alone in my being mocked, either. Ryan, who I watched a few games with, sat through the exact same thing.

Our wives thought we were crazy. Others laughed and joked about what they might do (in jest) to help the Indians win this year.

But Ryan and I ... we are not alone. According to that article on ESPN.com, 1 in 5 fans do things to help their teams win or to avoid jinxes.

I'm just shocked its that low. I figured it'd be closer to 4 in 5, to be honest.

So I might be crazy, but at least I'm not alone!

The Agony of Defeat

I know.

I know.

It's just a game.


But this sucks. It really sucks. I really thought this was the year for my beloved Tribe. I thought for certain this was the best chance in my lifetime for the season to end with a stream of tears of joy running down my face. Instead, it ended with my curled on my couch, tears running, but not of joy.

The Buckeye egg laying in Arizona. The Buckeye house building in the finals. The Cavs getting swept. And now going 0-3 in knockout games in the LCS.

Yes, it's just a game. They are all just games. But it still sucks.

You have no idea how much I want to see Boston College and Ohio State play for the National Title in Football right now. How I'm already trying to picture the Little Animal sacking Matt Ryan, and then RoboCatch going for a long bomb touchdown.

You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to the first Cavs-Celtics game. How much I'm looking forward to and picturing LeBron posterizing Garnett on a mammoth dunk. How I'm hoping we draw them in the playoffs and knock them out.

Heck, at this point in time I'm even daydreaming of the Browns backing into the playoffs as a six-seed, winning in the opening round and knocking off New England, ending their season at 16-1.

If you are wondering

Last night: Chicken McNuggets

Tonight: Two four ways with beans.



I can't make this stuff up.


(if you have no idea what this post it talking about, read down a few posts)

On The Path To Where, Exactly?

So, this morning, I was driving to Marion, OH. I was heading down 15 out of beautiful Findlay Ohio on a morning that finally felt like Autumn. Traffic was fairly light, as is usual for the path on a non-holiday travel day. Straight ahead in the sky was a giant white cloud surrounded by the only patch of sky I could truly call blue. The rest of the sky was gray. Very gray.

My attention became fixed on the giant white cloud in the one patch of blue. I traveled down a straight path of 15 for what seemed like a very, very long time. No turns, no hills. Just a straight path. A path that almost defines Northwest Ohio. And my attention remained fixed on the big white cloud with the patch of blue around it.

And that big white cloud with the patch of blue around it seemed to not get any closer. Even though I was traveling at a rate faster than one mile per minute, that patch of blue with the big white cloud in it simply would not come closer. I was stuck, it seemed, to be surrounded by the gray sky, and the less bright clouds. The less inviting and less promising part of the cool Autumn sky.

And I started to wonder if this was a metaphor for my life. That I could see a bright spot. I could see a path to that white spot. But no matter how hard I tried, and how fast I traveled, and how straight my path was, I couldn't gain ground towards it. I was stuck in the less promising part.

And I then began to wonder if it were a metaphor for something else. Not just me. Perhaps my career? Perhaps my life goals? Perhaps the universal Church? Perhaps my church? Perhaps my fraternity? Perhaps America? Perhaps the world? Perhaps "society as a whole"?

I trust in the ideology that I get more true insight from questions than from answers. That the path is more fulfilling than the destination. I hope that holds this time. Because I have a lot of questions. And a long path. And I'm not certain the end goal is actually attainable.

This Parody is NOT Garbage

Too funny, I couldn't not share ...

Superstitions

Everyone has some superstitions. Whether it's how you walk, where you drive, what you say to your wife before you leave in the morning, etc ... we all have them. I'm willing to bet that 99% of us don't really believe the superstitions we partake in, but we do them out of that inkling of doubt and the "what if" and "just in case" nerves in the back of our necks and brains.

This is more true than ever when it comes to sports fans. Sports players might top us (see Wade Boggs eating before a game and Patrick Roy entering and exiting the ice), but then again they might not. We have traditions we stick to. Something we did once that lead to a win, and we're afraid that if we don't, our team will lose and we'll be at fault. It's another way of involving ourselves in the game, but this time it only comes at a catastrophic price. There is no reward, there is only punishment. No one runs around yelling "Ohio State won against Michigan because I'm wearing the same underpants I was wearing when they announced the hiring of Jim Tressel!". But someone, somewhere, was thinking to themselves "man, I always make homemade buckeyes for Ohio State Games, and I bought store made ones this time. If I hadn't done that, we would have beaten Florida and we'd be the reining champs!"

I'm far from exempt from this. Back in the run to Super Bowl XL, Pittsburgh got an improbable win over Cincy in Cincy in the wild card round. I was wearing my smaller brown corduroy pants, my original Pacman boxers, and my green Monty Python shirt. A week later, it's Pittsburgh vs. Indianapolis, and all the above mentioned clothing is clean. So I wear it again. And Pittsburgh pulls the upset that no one outside of Merrill Hoge picked on television. The following week on Saturday I look in the closet, and discover the clothing is not there, and is in fact, dirty. So I beg with Rachel to wash them. She does, and I wear them that following Sunday. Pittsburgh defeats Denver. And there's no need to ask what I wore on Super Bowl Sunday, is there?

Now, I know deep down inside that if you asked me rationally, I would tell you that my choice of clothing had nothing to do with the Steelers winning Super Bowl XL. But, somewhere else down there, in the pit of my stomach and grabbing at the back of my neck is an inkling of doubt that says "don't risk it". That says that maybe all things are equal, and the "sports gods" are looking around, seeing which sports fans are respecting them most, and giving victory to their team. Again, rationally, I don't believe this, but emotionally, I don't want to risk it.

Fast forward to present days. The Indians are in the playoffs, facing the (hated) New York Yankees in the first round of the playoffs. For game one, I headed to Ryan's house, and brought a pot of Cincy-style Chili with all the fixings. I enjoyed two four-ways w/bean as I watched the Indians pummel the Yanks. The next night was game two. I heated up the leftovers, again had two portions, and survived the extra-inning nail-biter the Indians won. Last night was game three. The Indians were leading 3-0 when I got home from jOURney and Wal-Mart. I made Rachel and I dinner: fiesta hamburgerittos, scalloped potatoes, and California Blend. The Indians lost the game.

Any guess on what I'm eating during the game tonight? I only hope it's not too late and the sports gods haven't already considered me lost. I'd hate to see the Indians lose this series. And I'd hate to have even a small, irrational part of me think it was my fault.

Good Times and Good Music

So, last night I saw Ellery perform here in Findlay. They're simply amazing. They take a style that I wouldn't characterize as "my style" of music, and make it just an amazing performance that I enjoy like nothing else. The honesty in their songs, and in their voices, captivates me. I'd encourage everyone to go out and see them if they get the chance. A lot cheaper than most concerts, I'd imagine.

They were with a couple of "local" talents last night as well. The concert was a benefit to raise money for flood relief here in Findlay. Just a fun night. Good music. Probably not as talented as what you'd see at a concert sponsored by Radio U or at a big music hall, but it seemed more real. More true to what personal music should and could be.

I think I'm finally starting to appreciate the "independent" types of the world. The less refined acts. The beauty of heart and soul over pomp and circumstance. I dunno.

I've conversed with Rachel a few times about what a "dream concert" looks like. And most of the time, I'm naming a couple of big name bands to headline and seeing an awesome evening of music, performance, lights, pyrotechnics, etc. But I think at the moment my "dream concert" would be RC Foshizzle and the jOURney House Band and Ellery opening for Hawk Nelson.

That would be an evening I could enjoy.


Oh, and if you've never heard Ellery, here's my favorite Ellery song:

On The Warpath

Stephen Colbert says "Go Tribe"

Remembering

So, right now, I'm watching NFL network. They're showing this:

It's the U2 halftime show from the Superbowl following 9/11.

It's amazing how clearly I can remember small details from that day.

When the first attack happened, I was supposed to be in my Interpersonal Communications class, but I slept in and missed class that day. When I went to my next class Economics, folks were talking, but I couldn't piece stuff together. The professor tried to quiet everyone down and have a normal class, stating something to the effect of "no need to change until anything is known". I passed it off as nothing and as usual didn't pay attention to his lecture.

When I got to my next class, Physics, was when I finally got to see television broadcast of what was happening, and we started talking about it. Dr. Fisher came in visible shaken and told us that today was no day for class, and that we should all go home and call our family to make sure everyone is ok, and then he left. So, I went to McIntosh Center to get some lunch with Josh Ketelson. We took in some more television, and then had lunch: chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes, which were lumpier than usual.

After that, we headed back to the house. We stood dumbfounded all day, watching the TV, calling friends and family, wondering how to proceed with some sense of normalcy. Brothers we rarely saw at the house, including Dr. Banfe, stopped by, and we all seemed to eat Taco Bell. A couple of brothers went with me to prayer at the chapel, and then most of the brothers went to the chapel service where we watched President Bush address the nation. His resolve and compassion that night still strike me to this day, and that will be the President Bush I remember 20 years from now.

It's almost surreal to me how clear the day is to me still. A little clearer than Columbine, but it does allow me to wrap my mind around my parent's tales of the day JFK was shot.

I wish the day had never happened, but I hope the memories never fade.

Out To Get Me

Have you seen the movie Final Destination?

If so, I'm sorry. I, too, wish I could have those couple of hours back to spend a different way. For the rest of you, I envy you, for not having wasted those hours. There are also two sequels, which I've never bothered to take in, but again, if you have I'm so sorry for your lost time.

To sum up the movie, you basically get on a collision course with Death and you're stuck on that collision course. If you avoid it somehow (like missing a plane that crashes), Death will track you down. I'm fairly certain the sequels are the exact same things, just with Death trying to get you in new and different ways. And, yes, you can feel free to insert a Gilmore Girls' joke here.

Anyways, I'm starting to think there's some truth to the premise of this movie. And that death has relatives who do the same thing.

Take for example, Death's distant cousin Burn. I think Burn is out to get me, and send me to the ER.

Consider the following: Last weekend, we were in Columbus. I was trying to reach the microwave at my mother-in-law's house to reheat some dinner (mmm ... Bob Evan's slow roasted pork dinner). As I do so, I bump my finger against a hot iron. A small scar exists to this day. But, my quick reflexes kept it from being as bad as it could have. Or should have, I suppose, because Burn stayed after me.

Sunday night, I was cooking dinner. I made chicken w/vegetables with brown sauce and steamed rice. As I'm plating dinner, one of the bowls I'm putting things into starts to fall, and I instinctively reach out to catch it, causing hot, freshly steamed rice to fall onto the the corner of the palm of my hand. The same hand that has the burn mark from the iron, a week earlier. Fortunately, I got the rice off quickly, and put some aloe on my palm, and have only a very small mark from this encounter with Burn.

But he wasn't done yet.

Today, I was working down in Marion. I got hungry as I was set to leave town, so I went to Starbucks. I got a tall coffee (just plain coffee. Not a mocha latte caramel sissy drink. Straight black coffee ... coffee the way Jesus drank it) and an old-fashioned donut. As I'm traveling up 23 and throughly enjoying my snack, I'm moving the coffee from my mouth back to the cup holder, when I hit a small bump in the road. A very, very small bump. But, the laws of gravity were defied for a few moments, as a large splash of coffee jumped from my cup, through the spout, and landed on my leg.

No mark today, but still ... I got the reminder that Burn was still after me ... watching, waiting for his next move. I hope he gets bored and moves on soon.

The Surreal Life

No, not the craptastic VH1 television show. My life. The past week. It's honestly been surreal. That's the only word I can think of to describe it. A city underwater. A river reaching near-record levels (depending on what measurement you trust). My city on the national news night and day, the lead story on every Toledo newscast. And yet, I was only inconvenienced by it. The street we live on flooded on Tuesday and was not drivable.

It dried up by Wednesday morning. I couldn't work because the roads connecting to mine were closed, under emergency orders and the such, but that was only an inconvenience, not a threat to myself, my belongings, or my future.

I'd read in the newspaper that the city looked similar to New Orleans after Katrina. I didn't believe it, because it didn't look that way when I peered out the window. It wasn't until I saw the aerial shots (as shown above) that the actual impact of the flood started to hit.

But it still doesn't feel like it happened in my city. Findlay feels too small to have such an impactful thing happen and not really impact me. And yet, I know it happend. It just doesn't feel like it. It just seems so ... surreal.

Repost from this time last year

This is an entry I posted last year on this date. I'll post it again:

1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. 3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

11When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

12We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

13But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

Happy Anniversary Rachel.

I love you.

Rainy Days

I've never been a fan of rainy days.

As a child, rainy days weren't really a good thing. Sure, sometimes you got puddles to jump in, but in general it didn't make things safe. It canceled the picnic. It temporarily closed the roller coaster. It postpones the baseball game. It makes it more dangerous to drive.

At least snow has the ability to cancel school when we got enough of it. Rain only caused my school to close once: my freshman year of high school, when the roof leaked so bad the entire top two floors flooded. So, they released us, but not until we got there. But even then, I had to walk home (just under 4 miles, as the crow flies) ... dodging pop-up downpours as I went. Yeah, what fun that was. And when I got home, there wasn't even snow to build with: only wet pants to take off and smell.

I'm just not a big fan of rainy days.

Today was a rainy day in Findlay. Downpour on and off in the morning. And apparently, Findlay can't handle that kind of rain, because we lost power this morning. Which delayed the start of my work week. And then coming home from the grocery store, the rain and wetness must have decreased visibility, because the guy across the street almost backed into me as I was driving down the street.

Rain, rain, go away ...

When Technology Fails You ...

So, I went to load my Dynasty mode on NCAA Footbal 2005 today for the Gamecube. And my file was corrupted! I was about to go after my fifth straight national title with the Buckeyes and challenge the all-time record for consecutive wins, too! I was so sad!

I ultimately decided to start over, this time with Army.

Oh well

Coincidence? I think not

So, the other day, Rachel, her mom, and I were shopping at Kohls. Now (and this might be hard to believe, for all you guys out there) I wasn't really in the mood to look through women's clothing and/or shoes. So I wandered off on my own.

After a good bit of time (which would have probably felt eternally longer had I been with them in the women's section), I get a text asking where I am. I reply with a text stating that I am in mens.

However, upon entering it, I learn that the default for the keys 6367 (which gives you "mens") is actually "odor" on my phone.

So, you want mens, but get odor.

So mens=odor

Coincidence? i think not

iTunes and Music

I love iTunes. I hate DRM and I'm often described as a copy-leftist, but I love iTunes. I love being able to buy just one song and be over-charged for it. I love that no longer do I have to shell out 13-18 bucks to buy a CD, when I only want 1-3 songs on it.

A little bit ago, I got a $30 iTunes gift card as a thank-you. To date, I've only spent about half of it. I've enjoyed the freedom to let a song come to my mind, let me think "I really wish I owned that song" and then go and buy it ... without actually spending a penny of my own money!

Anyways, I'll list the fifteen songs I've purchased, so you can get a taste for how odd my music likes are, then see if you can offer any suggestions for good songs I'd enjoy owning as well. Here they are, in order of when I purchased them:

1. Made to Love, by Tobymac
2. Searchlights (Indoor Soccer Remix), by Falling Up
3. Love Addict, by Family Force 5
4. Fully Alive, by Flyleaf
5. You Never Let Go, by Matt Redman
6. My Savior, My God, by Aaron Shust
7. Open Wounds, by Skillet
8. Anna, by Ellery
9. Your Owls Are Hooting, by Showbread
10. Time After Time, by Spoken
11. Rise Up, by Disciple
12. Everything You Ever Wanted, by Hawk Nelson
13. The Invisible Hook, by House of Heroes
14. Remember the Name, by Fort Minor
15. Pride (In the Name of Love), by U2

I really, really, really hate Stupid "Christians"

Pet Peeve 1: Christians who view Christianity as a "Get Out of Hell Free Card"

Pet Peeve 2: Christians who protest/picket an event without actual knowledge of the event, the patrons of the event, or the Biblical principles they think they are representing.

Pet Peeve 3: People who can never see the forest for the trees, or the trees for the forest.

You know what, just watch this:



and visit the horrible website

The Great Misunderstanding

There seems to be something that gets lost in translation when an imperfect people (that's all of us, folks) try to represent a perfect being, and explain what and why He is.

There seems to be something that gets lost in translation when people with an agenda (that's all of us, folks) try to explain what exactly a being that is 100% love expects and wants from us.

Ryan asked a question tonight at jOURney. I'm not going to quote it exactly, but I'm going to try my best to capture what I believe was the intent. He wanted to know (in the context of Acts 11), how to respond when God asks us to do something that is outside of our norm. When we've spent years doing things a certain way, and then suddenly, God asks us to change.

How can we know it's really God? How can we know that a change is needed? Why wouldn't God have stopped us before if he wanted it a different way?

My thoughts are that the truth is, we have a misunderstanding of God. And we've thought he was a certain way. That his way lead to a certain stance. And when we start to see Him more clearly, more perfectly, more accurately, we have a need, a desire, to change the way we've done something.

Maybe that change is to be more accepting. Or perhaps it's to be less accepting. I've known people on both ends of that spectrum who claim to be representing the almighty. Hell, I've been on both ends of the spectrum, on both parts of reception!

Maybe that change is to accept that we're just sinners, and that's how it is, and we can't be perfect. Or maybe that change is to accept that we need to strive to live for more than just sin and mediocrity. Again, I've lived both ends of that spectrum.

Maybe that change is to listen more, and advise less. Or to advise more, and listen less. Or maybe that change is to ponder less and act more, or act more and ponder less. Or so many things, that upon reflection, I almost feel bipolar, or at least spiritually bipolar.

Maybe I've just reached a place on my journey where I don't need to focus on the destination, because I know it. But I need to focus on the journey towards it. And because of that, I reflect on the path I've taken so far, and I'm afraid I've misrepresented God so often, and over corrected so often, that I just hunger to find the right spot, and I'm not even certain that spot exists.

Or maybe ... maybe faith is about maybe. True faith is about accepting maybe, and understanding that we'll never understand in certainty. And that the great misunderstanding, is that we can understand it all.

Utinni Update

I've already got her negotiated down to our 8th kid being named Utinni. And that if the 7th/8th or 8th/9th are twins, we get to name them Utinni and YubYub.

She cracks so easily. By the time we're actually in a position to start a family, I have no doubt I'll be able to negotiate my way to an even more attainable Utinni.

Good Food, and Good Friends

As I posted a little while back, I've been in a funk. I struggled with work, I felt no forward motion in many areas of my life, and I was frustrated that my wife couldn't get a job. I hadn't been blogging because I didn't want to just emo all over the place. I know how Quinn gets around Emo, and I didn't want to have to face that.

However, I think the corner is being turned. The black cloud of funk is being lifted. The ... well, I'm sure you can think of a better cliche than I can.

And it all revolves around what I should have figured in the first place:

Good food, and good friends.

This past Wednesday, Rachel and I made the trip to Ada to have dinner with the Hoseks. We'd made a bet a few years ago, and I finally got him to pay up. We went down, had dinner, played boche ball, and talked with another married couple for a few hours about the struggles of early years in marriage, tight finances, and all sorts of topics. It was a really good way to break up a week.

Then, this past weekend was STE National Officer Advance. It's always a blessing to see and interact with those guys, even if i couldn't do better than second place at a poker table. Even if Krispy Kreme donuts are better than Dunkin. There was plenty of bonding, plenty of laughter, and plenty of growth. Not to mention the fact that Shan makes a wicked awesome steak, Skyline is awesome for lunch, and LaRosa's isn't bad for dinner.

The funk is lifting. I can feel it. Good things are gonna happen. Rachel's got a job. A full time job. And I've got hope for my job that something soon will break and be good. Very good.

I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on. There will be an end to the struggles. But until that day comes. Still I will praise you.

Jawa

Rachel says that (if we meet certain conditions) I can name a child of ours "Utinni" (as in what the Jawas say).

That rocks.

Widowed by the Church

So, last week at jOURney, we looked at Acts chapter six. We looked at how the early church took care of their widows, and we asked who the modern day widows are that we need to look after. I suggested those who have been "widowed by the Church". Those people who no longer feel welcome as a part of the body of believers because of an action, inaction, attitude, or words of someone acting (knowingly or not) as a representative of the Church and of Jesus.

This week, we looked at Acts chapter seven. We looked at the final speech of Stephen's life, and Trevor asked "why do bad things happen to good people". This seems to be a common theological question debated ... well, probably since before Moses. More specifically, he asked us to ponder why certain people die at times where it seems as if they had more to offer, more to give, more ... life.

One suggestion offered is the answer that "we're all deserving of death, no one is really that good". Before I continue, let me say that I understand the theology behind this. Romans, we are all sinners, worthy of death, no one is good, etc. I get the theology.

But this line of thinking is exactly how someone becomes a "widow of the Church".

It's perhaps the easiest way to get someone there.

Think about it. A young woman just lost her husband in a car accident. A mother lost her 22-year old son at war. A two-year old loses a battle with cancer.

And the people affected, The young widow, the hurting mom, the confused family ... they go to the Church, or to someone who represents Jesus, and they ask them about their tragedy. It could be as simple as "why", or "how could a 'loving' God allow this to happen", or any form variant.

And imagine the reaction you get when you answer the question with "everyone deserves to die. no one is actually a good person. we all sin. want to pray and accept Jesus as your savior?"

Now, I can't speak for you, but I would not want to be associated with the person who gave me that response at all. And I certainly wouldn't want to worship the same God they do, nor would I want to hold on to the hope they hold on to. Anyone who ever associated themselves with that "Jesus" would always bring back bad memories, and possibly even repulse me. This person has effectively been widowed by the Church, no longer feeling welcome, or loved.

(As a tangent, do people with this point of view feel hypocritical when they talk about abortion? My experience teaches me that most folks with the above point of view, where we all just deserve to die because God is perfect and we sin, are also anti-abortion. But, if that living being that is a fetus is just a sinner (original sin, right?), then what tragedy is there if it dies? It's just there to die, so there's no tragedy right?)

Are we (and I'm including myself here, I know I've said dumb, hurtful things in the past, and done so when representing Jesus) so ignorant as to never realize the impact of our words to a hurting person, to a person in need, to a person we are to love? Are we unaware of how we widow people away from us?

The flood of emotion I get from this sort of behavior and thinking is a wide range. There's anger, confusion, embarrassment, and so many others. Why do we get so focused on the eternal, that we lose sight of the here and now. Why do we get so focused on "winning people for Jesus", that we lose sight of loving them. And not just loving them because Jesus says to, but loving them because that's what they need, and what we'd want if we were them.

I'm rambling now ... hard to do when you're typing and not talking, but I'm doing it. So, I guess I'll cut this off now, but might add another post on it later.

Sex God

It's very rare for me to get a book, and tear through it. I was brought up fully immersed in the video game/movie/television generation. It's not that I don't enjoy reading a book, it's just that it's not the easiest thing to keep my attention for extended stretches.

Well, in less than a day, I tore through Sex God.

And I have two major things to say about it:

1) When I have money in the budget to buy a book, I'm buying it.

2) If you haven't read it, go read it.

Seriously. Read it. It will impact your life in some way. It will challenge your life in some way. I've already mapped out more than half a dozen ways I can see myself using it.

• Advice book for a friend getting married
• Advice book for friend(s) in a rocky marriage
• Make a strong marriage stronger
• Encouragement for the down days in a career path
• Book to read together when it's time to talk to kids about sex
• Encouragement for a single friend
• Understanding and conquering sexual demons in a way even Every Man's Battle couldn't and didn't

Seriously. Rob Bell mixes funny anecdotes with deep thoughts, scriptural basis and nuances, as well as historical and common sense knowledge. It doesn't matter where you are on a faith journey or if you have even formally started one.

Go read this book.

Who's with me?

Rob Bell for President.

No, seriously.

I'd vote for this guy against just about anyone. Even Aaron Aldridge. And maybe even the guy Aaron beats out. (Honk if you get that joke)

I picked up Sex God from the library today (my next Star Wars LotF novel isn't available for me yet), and I'm already almost halfway through it. I'm forcing myself to put it down between chapters so I can absorb what's written in it, and not just fly through it like fast food fiction.

I'm convinced, more than ever, that Rob Bell is a centrist. He's level headed. He gets things. He gets common sense things. He gets practical things. He gets philosophical things. He gets intellectual things. He gets spiritual things. And he presents them all in a manner that not only can I understand. But in a manner that I want to hear more.

Seriously ... Rob Bell for President. Who's with me?

My, How We Change

So, I realized I've changed quite a bit in the past 2.75 years since Rachel and I got married. I didn't realize until this morning just how deep the impact she's had on my everyday life.

I was putting socks on. And I noticed they weren't on my feet correctly. The seams weren't lined up correct. So I took them off, and put them back on correctly.

Let me explain: up until Rachel and I started dating, I didn't know that socks could go on in an incorrect manner. They're socks. They shape themselves to your feet. It's what they do. I even had some athletic socks with toe and heel marks on them, and still didn't get the message that the heel mark was supposed to go on your heel. I just thought it was a suggestion.

So, anyways, I get done with that, and get my semi-casual brown shoes out. Walk out to the living room to put them on, and see my tennis shoes, which I wore yesterday. I immediately set my brown shoes down and pick up my tennis shoes and put them away.

Again, up until Rachel and I started dating, I didn't know you needed to put shoes away. I thought putting them out of the way of tripping you was good enough. My parents even had a shoe tree in the main closet when I was growing up. I just kept my shoes in my bedroom for easier access for me. Thought the shoe tree was a suggestion.

Maybe Jeff Foxworthy is right ... all men are being trained ...

The Gamaliel Principle

So, last night at Journey we were discussing Acts chapter 5. And there's a lot of weird stuff in there, and there's some good nuggets of info, too. I was exhausted from another marathon weekend away from home, so I didn't get to share thoughts at Journey, so i figure I'll share them here, as I know at least a few of the people who attend church with us also read my blog.

What really stands out is what Ryan refers to as the "Gamaliel Principle" (at least I think that's the terminology he used). The NASB records the passage thusly:

But a Pharisee named Gamaliel, a teacher of the Law, respected by all the people, stood up in the Council and gave orders to put the men outside for a short time. And he said to them, "Men of Israel, take care what you propose to do with these men. For some time ago Theudas rose up, claiming to be somebody, and a group of about four hundred men joined up with him. But he was killed, and all who followed him were dispersed and came to nothing.After this man, Judas of Galilee rose up in the days of the census and drew away some people after him; he too perished, and all those who followed him were scattered.So in the present case, I say to you, stay away from these men and let them alone, for if this plan or action is of men, it will be overthrown; but if it is of God, you will not be able to overthrow them; or else you may even be found fighting against God."

Now, we always are encouraged by Ryan and Trevor to look for the implication of a passage in our lives, rather than just the application.

And maybe I'm just oversimplifying things. Or maybe I'm too big a part of the television generation. But I see the implication here pretty plain as day.

The name of my blog is taken from a Nike campaign. The implication I see in the Gamaliel Principle is taken from an earlier Nike campaign.

Just Do it.

Is it not obvious that if God is calling us to action, we need to just do it? If we're unsure if it's God, and we don't act, these are the outcomes:

1) It really was God, and it should have been done, and we really missed the boat.
2) It wasn't God, and nothing at all has changed.

If we're unsure if it's god and we do act, these are the outcomes:

1) It really is God, and there is nothing to be done to stop us from accomplishing it.
2) It really isn't God, and no matter how hard we try it won't work.

So the best case scenario from not doing it is pretty much the same thing as the worst case scenario from doing it: nothing changes. So, perhaps the best way to decide if the prompting within us is from God or from us is to try, and see if it works. Seems like the Gamaliel Principle to me.

just do it

Fiction

I guess sometimes you just need a break from reality.

Last night I got one of those. On television and in my reading.

Last night was the return of my favorite summer show, Last Comic Standing. I didn't watch season 1, but I've been hooked on it ever since. The trainwreck auditions are nowhere near as funny as the American Idol trainwrecks, but it's worthwhile for the funny people who don't make a single cut, because sometimes they have really good lines.

Also, started a new book last night. As much as I love reading deep, challenging theological stuff, sometimes I just need a break from reality. Something to entertain my brain, not challenge it.

So, I returned my "The Four Loves" copy to the library and picked up Betrayal, the first book in the new Star Wars "Legacy of the Force" series. Should be an interesting read, since I'm spoiled on the major events that have happened so far during the series.

Anyone have any other suggestions for summer TV shows? Or for good fiction? I'm really looking for fiction that is easily parlayed into theology (I know ... mixing fiction with my desire for deep, challenging stuff), but isn't mainstream (i.e. no LotR, Eragon, Harry Potter, etc).

I need a pick-me-up

I'm in a funk.

I can't seem to get ahead at work. Still banging my head against the same walls I was banging against four months ago. I look for small signs of progress, and I find them, but what value do they actually bring? It sometimes feels like I'm trying to travel from Europe to America, only I'm moving on a Glacier that's heading in that direction. Yeah, sure, I'll make it there, but it's gonna take a little while.

I can't finish the book I've been working on. It's become too try and involved for me, and coming off the deep logic of the Ted Noel book, "The Four Loves" is just too much for me. Which is a shame, because I really wanted to find great nuggets in it to use for STE in the coming year. Maybe I'll revisit it in a little bit, but I've pretty much lost desire to read it at all at this point in time (though, the skimming I did still had me coming away with some good nuggets of information).

And other stuff. It's also so ... meh, and rutty.

I think Relient K sums it up best:

hoa - oah
I've been banging my head against the wall
Whoa- oah
For so long it seems I knocked it down
Yeah it got knocked down
Whoa- oah
And the heating bill went through the roof

Whoa- oah
And the wall I knocked down is the proof
That my landlord needed to kick me out
I got evicted now I'm living on the street
My spirits lifted, oh wait that wasn't me
Too many turns, have turned out to be wrong
This time I learned that, I knew it all along
Got crashed where you burn and I'll be what you were
Whoa- oah
And I'll see what I should, and I'll see that its good, that its good

To experience the bitter-sweet, to taste defeat
Then brush your teeth
Experience, the bitter-sweet, to taste defeat
Then brush your teeth

Cause I struggle with forward motion
I struggle with forward motion
We all struggle with forward motion

Cause forward motion is harder then it sounds
Well everytime I get some ground I gotta turn myself around again
It's harder then it sounds
Well everytime I get some ground I gotta turn myself around again

Whoa- oah
I've been banging my head against the wall
Whoa- oah
For so long it seems I've got knocked out
Yeah got knocked out cold
Whoa- oah
And the medical bills went through the roof

Whoa- oah
And the scar on my head is the proof, that I'll still remember this when I get old
I got evicted now I'm living on the street
My spirits lifted, oh wait that wasn't me
Too many turns, have turned out to be wrong
This time I learned that, I knew it all along
Well I grasped to concept that I'll sleep where you slept
Whoa- oah
Well I know I need help when I allow my self
Allow myself

To experience the bitter-sweet, to taste defeat
Then brush your teeth
Experience, the bitter-sweet, to taste defeat
Then brush your teeth

Cause I struggle with forward motion
I struggle with forward motion
We all struggle with forward motion

Cause forward motion is harder then it sounds
Well everytime I get some ground I gotta turn myself around again
It's harder then it sounds
Well everytime I get some ground I gotta turn myself around again

Cause I struggle with forward motion
I struggle with forward motion
We all struggle with forward motion

Cause I struggle with forward motion
I struggle with forward motion
We all struggle with forward motion

Well everytime I get some ground I gotta turn myself around again
Cause I struggle with forward motion
I struggle with forward motion
We all struggle with forward motion

(this is how bad the rut is ... I couldn't even find a good enough YouTube clip for the song)

Mistakes and Regrets

You ever make a mistake, and immediately upon seeing and feeling the ramifications wish you could undo it?

For example ...

This past weekend, on our trip to Wal-Mart, I needed to pick up a new box of cereal. My Kroger brand frosted shredded wheat bites was almost gone, and my Kroger brand of Corn Pops was all gone.

Wal-Mart doesn't have an off-brand of Corn Pops, and I didn't really want to get shredded mini wheats again. So I opted for Toasted Oats (GV Cheerios) instead of Honey Nut Spins (GV Honey Nut Cheerios).

Just two bowls in, and I already regret the decision.

Anyone care to commiserate with me?

Politics

Preface: I hate politics as they currently are. I love the idea of politics. The idea that someone can truly get a feel for the people, and serve them with their best interests at heart. I long for America to have this, but I acknowledge that it will probably never happen, and if it does happen, will only appear on a local level. That said, as it currently is, it is a necessary evil, and i feel it my duty as an American citizen to become informed.

Last night, after Bible Discussion Group, the group stayed over to watch the Presidential Forum on Faith, Values, and Poverty. It was an interesting watch, especially with the company I had (which ranged from conservative to liberal). I consider myself a slight-right leaning person, but I strive to be a centrist deep-down inside.

I was blown away by a few things:

1) That anyone would consider a person's stance on abortion and/or evolution to be critical the decision making process in electing the next President of the United States of America confuses me. Exactly what role will the stances taken on these two issues by our President influence our country?

I know the pro-life (and probably the pro-choice) crowd will yell about the task of appointing Supreme Court Justices. But, isn't the better question about how you view the Constitution, not about how you view abortion? I am pro-life (pro-innocent life, at least), but I would rather see a pro-abortion strict-interpretation of the Constitution judge appointed than an anti-abortion interpret-the-Constitution-a-new-way-every-month judge!

And I'm still scratching my head trying to figure out something plausible for the evolution issue. Maybe because our nation has to have a Christian/intelligent president and you can't be a Christian if you believe in evolution, and you can't be smart if you don't? I know many Christians who believe in the plausibility of evolution, and I know a lot of smart people who reject the theory of evolution. So I'm still stumped. Anyone able to help me?

2) Why can't politicians just give straight answers? Why does everything have to be longwinded? Why can't the answer be "sometimes, I have to rely on what I call divine inspiration, but what you might call a 'gut feeling' over advisers and data" instead of "you know, sometimes you have to look at the big picture, look at how you're praying, when you're praying, what the people of the nation think, you have to ask yourself if it's possible to effect the nation for 20-50 years with your decision or if it's something that will be forgotten in a couple of months, and then you need to examine it case-by-case, and when you do that, sometimes you get a different answer than you expected, and sometimes it's hard to tell if what you have gotten is an answer of a hypothesis, and then you need to consider the difference between the two, and is it right to move forward on a hypothesis instead of an answer, or is it wrong to sit there on an answer and do nothing when the answer really is in front of you, and then you decide that you just need to be like the common man!"

(Yes, I'm look at you Obama!)

(Although this is not restricted to just the three Dem front runners. We flipped over the a GOP debate after the one we were watching ended, and saw every one of them make a point (or ramble), and then get cut off, only to ramble more and more. Even Rudy Giuliani, the person I support most right now among fully declared candidates, gave a very good, quick, coherent answer to a good question, and then rambled some more after his cut off.)

3) As I stated above, I'm a right-leaner (love low taxes and small government), but I try to be open-minded coming into political debates and elections, because deep-down I really do want to be a centrist. But if that's really the best of the Democrats, I'm not impressed. The only one who said anything worthwhile was Jon Edwards, and I'm pretty much morally and philosophically opposed to him. So, it looks like I'm probably voting GOP again next year, unless major changes happen or something really stupid happens.

Anyone else watch this and have thoughts on it, and the process in general?

I Like Animal Crackers

It's true.

I like Animal Crackers.

They taste good. They're fun. They're decently healthy, too, for a snack.

And you get sixteen of them in a serving! Sixteen whole crackers. That's a lot!

I mention this because Rachel and I have decided that we need to lose more weight. We both lost quite a bit in the last year (you'd have to ask her how much she lost, and all I know for sure is I dropped from a 44 to a 38 pant size), but neither of us are happy with where we are. We want to go further, we need to go further.

So, we decided that while we're working on really watching our finances and using a budget in a real manner, and all the other stuff Dave Ramsey advocates, we might as well use the same basic principles to work in our diets, as well. Budget out our food.

And the easy thing is, someone already laid out a blue print. We just have to follow it. And the blue print is super easy to follow. It's called "serving size".

We're fairly certain we can market this as a new diet and make a killing on it. We'll sell a book along with cooking attachments. Like a blue cup (that coincidentally is half a cup) that you use to make rice for one person. And a green cup (that coincidentally is the exact same size as the blue cup) that you use to make pasta for one person. And a multiplication chart, telling you that you need to use the cup x number of times to feed x number of people.

And while I'm at it, I figured I'd work on improving my overall health, since physical health is only part of the picture. I figure I'll take the advice of Dr. Fuller (the chair of Mathematics at ONU when I graduated): you need to make sure you do at least one thing in each of six areas every day. The six areas are career, mental exercise, physical exercise, spiritual exercise, fun, chore. And, there can be no overlapping (i.e. I went to Journey, walked around and talked, and discussed is spiritual growth, not physical, spiritual, mental, fun, and chore all in one). Sounds simple, but I'm convinced that if I really make an effort every day to do something from each category, I'll be healthier, happier, and probably wealthier.

Also think I'm going to resolve to set aside more time for reading. I blogged a few blogs back about a big queue line for books, but I don't schedule time for it. I just do it when I don't have anything else to do. And it's a shame, because I'm not going to finish my current book (I want to be Left Behind, by Ted Noel) before it's due back at the Library Thursday. Oh well, at least I already have another book out to read! (The Four Loves, by C. S. Lewis)

Also, I need to blog more. I only blogged four times last month. And I, for one, think that was far too infrequent.

The Star Wars Guy

Apparently, I'm the Star Wars guy.

And I'm okay with that. When I pick a movie for Rachel and I to watch, one of the six movies or two Clone Wars DVDs is usually at least considered by me. I throw random Star Wars quotes into casual conversation. I make theological parables using Star Wars. My entire "list" at the public library is Star Wars books. I try to insert Star Wars figures into Christmas decoration. I celebrated the 30th anniversary of Star Wars last Friday with my wife. I'm a moderator on the largest Star Wars website. I have action figures, decorations, collectibles, books, comic books, TBPs, lightsabers, etc.

I just didn't realize I was so much the "Star Wars Guy" that friends call me with questions from their four-year-old son and his five-year-old cousin. My only regret is that I'm not well versed in Lucas Arts projects that are aimed primarily at children that young.

Except, of course, for The Phantom Menace. I know that pretty well.

Why Can't I Have Normal Dreams?

Another bizarre dream last night, still looking for a dreamologist to explain these things to me. Anyways, here's the recap.

I'm driving along in my car, following Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Tony Stewart in their NASCAR cars, apparently during a course. The ground is covered with a good four inches of snow, which makes me wonder 1) why am I driving during a NASCAR race and 2) why are they racing in snow.

Anyways, Jr. and Tony bump each other in front of me, and I just kind of pull over to a stop, rather than try to pass during the ensuing spin outs, not being an actual trained racecar driver or anything. At that point in time, Jr. jumps out of his car and then it catches on fire, for seemingly no reason at all. This prompts Tony Stewart to jump out of his car, pop his trunk (which, amazingly enough, works despite being a NASCAR) and grabs a fire extinguisher, and puts the fire out.

This leads to Tony and Jr. hugging before Tony's car does the same, and Jr. waves his hands through the smoke over his car to pop his trunk, and get his fire extinguisher out, and put the fire out on Tony's car. This leads to me being able to hear the race announcer (Keith Jackson) saying "the team won't like Jr. using his extinguisher to help out Tony Stewart". Not real sure why I could hear that, or why they'd be mad. But whatever.

Apparently at this point in time, I've gotten out of my car, too, perhaps out of fear that it, too, might catch fire for no real reason, though that never happens. I start to look around and notice that we're not really on a track, but rather on a rope bridge. I look down at the water, and it's a thick, dark, black water. Suddenly, I hear some eerie 1950's Sci-Fi music, and turn around, and the Creature from the Black Lagoon is coming at myself, Tony, and Jr.

And that's when I woke up.




I don't even watch NASCAR ...

I Still Hate Jose Mesa

Nights like this make me regret being from Cleveland and being an avid sports fan.


(And I know this should probably go in the Sports blog, but it's all emotion, no analysis, so sue me)

Books

I wasn't much of a reader when I was young. At least, not when I got beyond the "very young" stage. I blame Nintendo, mainly, to be honest. Once I had that to compete for my free time, along with living in a big town with three major professional sports teams and a minor league team in the other "big" sports league, reading books for pleasure never seemed to win out.

That's changed recently. I've begun reading for pleasure, spiritual enhancement, community enhancement, job enhancement, and a score of other reasons. I've recently read:

NUTS! is the story of the start of Southwest Airlines, and how they succeeded with unconventional means against stacked odds. Read it as a suggestion from an experienced salesman, as a newly hired commission salesman. Pretty good read. The Little Red Book of Selling is a must read for any new-to-the-job salesman, so I obviously read it for that reason. Running with the Giants is a book I heard about from the pastor at JZ's memorial service (during the service), and deals with leadership and encouragement from Old Testament "giants of faith". A very easy read, and one I'm probably going to do a STE book study on in the next year.

Currently, I'm reading: I Want to Be Left Behind. It's a very dry read, focusing on logic and detail throughout, while exploring the possibility (probability) that Jerry Jenkins and Tim LeHaye have misread prophesy. A very good read so far, but not an easy read. I'd recommend it to anyone wondering if modern scholars might be misinterpreting the return of the Messiah, in the way scholars of the day of Jesus misinterpreted what their Messiah would be.

I've got a pretty long queue list of things I'm waiting to read. I've got a hold in for Sex God the newest book by Rob Bell. Unfortunately, there are still seven people ahead of me on the library waiting list for it. How sad for me, no?

I'm also looking forward to getting my hands on No Perfect People Allowed. Unfortunately, it seems my library doesn't realize this book exists. So, I need to find it another way.

Of course, I'm also looking forward to doing some purely pleasure reading. I really want to read some of the newer Star Wars novels, like the new Legacy series, starting with Betrayal, and I'd also love to read Path of Destruction, a novel about Darth Bane.

And, of course ... I'm always looking for suggestions of books to read in any category I mentioned above, and any other category that could be worthwhile. Got any suggestions?

Hidden Blessings

It's really easy to say "God knows what's best for me".

It's a decent bit tougher to live it.

About 18 months ago, when I realized that a career in academia via mathematics was not the life for me, I started to look for jobs. Like, serious looks. Putting out resumés to company after company. A few jobs I thought I could do. A few jobs I knew I was qualified for. A bunch of jobs that would have paid the bills. A career job or two that I really thought I would have enjoyed and thought I was qualified for. I looked at jobs near by. In Findlay, in Ohio, in the Midwest, in the country.

Yet, none of them panned out.

And I doubted myself. I doubted my choices. I doubted a lot of things. I wondered what was wrong with me.

I finally found a job. With Aflac. It's still isn't at the point where I've got a steady paycheck. Rachel and I still struggle to find enough money to pay all the bills every month.

But I wouldn't trade my current situation for any of the jobs I applied for earlier. Definitely not the ones that would have moved me across the country. not for any salary. The friendships I've made are worth far more than any paycheck. If I get one of those jobs last summer and move to Iowa or Arizona or Montana or something like that ... Rachel and I never get involved in Five02/jOURney, which means we miss out on great friendships with awesome people like Ryan, Andrea, Reece, Trevor, Lori, Cathy, Jim, and so on and so forth. I probably never would have gotten as intimately involved with the fraternity as I am now; I probably would have never run for reelection. That means we wouldn't have the awesome friendships we've developed. We wouldn't have had the amazing fun we had this past weekend. We wouldn't have our upcoming trip(s).

I laughed when I was younger when people would insinuate that money couldn't buy happiness. I thought they were nuts. I figured you'd always be able to prioritize around work, and be able to have money and fun. And maybe you can. But I wouldn't be willing to risk it. I'm not trading my joy for anything.

And I do have faith. Faith that a career with Aflac is exactly where God wants me. Faith that it will work out. And that it will lead to Rachel and I having our dreams come true: owning a home, raising a family, traveling, having money to help others, etc.

But in the meantime? I'll gladly trade the uncertainty in my bank account for the character and friendships I've developed.

Thank you, God, for know what was best for me.

It's Not A Sprint, It's a Marathon

I'm not one for clichés. Sometimes, however, they prove to be important. And the cliché referenced in the title of this entry is a lesson I'm currently learning in a couple of places.

First and foremost is with my career in Aflac. I'm off to a pretty slow start. Myself, my district, my regional, my wife, and just about everyone I know would like to see my writing more premium at this point in time. But it hasn't happened. For a number of reasons. Bad luck, bad timing, sometimes bad technique. And it would be easy to get discouraged.

Today was a good day, though. I saw six employees at an account in Tiffin, and we signed up five of them. The first time I can actually call something a "good day" in terms of premium production. And I was able to reflect on my previous endeavors. And I noticed I'm typically a "slow starter". My first five semesters at ONU, here are the grades I got in core courses for my major: B, B, C, C, B. I didn't get an "A" in a computational mathematics course at ONU until Spring Semester of my sophomore year. Maybe I'm just an optimist, but I like to look at that and say that pretty soon, I'll break through and start succeeding at Aflac, too.

The ONU mathematics courses aren't the only thing that indicate me as a slow starter, either. I got two "C"s in my undergraduate Real Analysis courses, before breaking through for a "B" and an "A" in my 500 level Real Analysis courses at BGSU (just don't ask me about the 600 level stuff). I got a very low grade on my first Abstract Algebra course as an undergraduate, before turning that course into the highest "A" in the class, followed by that professor taking me under his wing for two independent study courses in Abstract Algebra that followed that, and two "A's" in my 500 level courses at BGSU. Heck, it's laughable how many times I screwed up early on trying to court Rachel!

So, I'm encouraged that I can take a step back, look at my Aflac career, and recognize it for what it is: a marathon, not a sprint. I want to be in it for the longhaul. I want the 10+, 20+ year career with Aflac, not the 2-year cash flow, followed by burn-out. I want to learn the good habits that will get me through slow months later on.

Oh, right ... I said there were a couple of places I was learning this lesson. The other is dealing with grief.

I initially thought this was a sprint. I moved on quickly a couple of years back when Grandpa and Erin passed away. I pre-dealt with the death of my grandmother. And I thought I mourned and quickly moved on with JZ, too.

I've recently found out that it wasn't so easy with JZ. I've had plenty of "rough days" recently, with memories flooding me, and emotions overwhelming me. It's opened up the floodgates to grief from Grandpa and Erin, too, that I thought I was past.

Rachel and I were working on the office over the weekend, trying to get it set up for reorganization. I stumbled upon the bulletin from Erin's memorial at ONU, and then almost broke the plaque my mother bought for my wedding that was in memory of Grandpa. I couldn't even identify all the emotions that swarmed over me, I just know I didn't like them.

I guess this is good though. I guess the first step in really dealing with my grief is to recognize that I have to give it some level of priority and actually deal with it, not expect it to pass because I want to move on. I just hoped this would be a sprint, but unfortunately, I'm learning it's a very, very long marathon.

It might even be a triathlon.

I hope not. I don't know how to swim.

Faith

So, my last post mentioned not wanting to have a "faith" that if we just pray/do good things/hope enough, that things will get done. And since I posted it, the idea of faith has been on my mind and my heart.

Not faith as I've ever thought of it before.

Faith in man.

I know, I know ... it sounds like a bizarre thing to want to have. Man is stupid, imperfect, continually lets others down. God is all-knowing, perfect, and always there.

Yet, I think we are called, as followers of Christ, to let others have faith in us.

I think it's all part of the fully-God, fully-human thing Jesus pulled off. He showed us that someone who was fully human could live a life such that we could have faith in that person.

How did he do it?

He met people where they were.
He invested his time into real answers, not superficial catch phrases.
He did as he taught.
He balanced challenging authority when it was necessary, with respecting authority when it was required.
He established credibility with people, before he asked them to take on tasks.

None of these are things we, as human followers of Christ, cannot do. There are people in my life daily who do these things, and challenge me to do the same.

So why can't we have faith in man?

What is Enough?

So ... there's a song that I used to sing quite often. I still sing it quite often, to be honest. I'm just not sure if I've ever sung it with a true heart. You've probably heard of it.

All of You
Is more than enough for
All of me
For every hope
And every need
You satisfy me
With Your love
And all I have in You
Is more than enough

Seems simple enough.

Tonight, Rachel and I attended the Ellery concert at Journey.

There was a (indirect) challenge given. Is it "enough" to have a "faith" that if we pray hard enough, God will change the situation? Regardless of whatever we do. If someone is sick, or lonely, or living in poverty, or trapped in any of a wide assortment of challenges life throws at us that God never really intended us to have, can we really get by and do "enough" without getting our hands dirty?

Have I been singing that God is enough, but only because I don't want to be part of the solution? Is He enough for me because I'm not waiting for someone to "get dirty" to help out? Because he's not placing me in situations to get dirtier than I want to get?

I honestly, honestly think I can find my answer in the book of James:

What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds."
Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.

Here is my prayer:

God,

Strengthen me to show others than You are enough for them.
Embolden me to represent you.
Empower me to fulfill promises you have made.
Keep me steadfast to my word.

Amen.

Maybe I got one ...

Well, I asked for a break, maybe one is on the horizon. Just not sure it'll be soon enough to count for my next quota deadline.

Kris and I got a call from someone looking to add Aflac to their portfolio. That's right. Not a referral, not a warm reception ... someone actually asked us to come out by calling us. We gathered information on them, and it looked like a 30-40 man group. Pretty decent size, definitely worth pursuing (of course, I think any sale is worth pursuing). So, we get there, and we're going through the presentation, and find out the group is actually about 100 employees locally, and about 350 employees nationally.

So that's pretty sweet. Here's hoping it works out. T'would be a decent payday, to say the least.

On a related note, I'm growing more and more comfortable presenting the products every day. I'm interjecting more in presentations, and adding small insights that are helpful. Very cool to see actual growth in myself like that.

On an unrelated note, I'm totally excited to start working on the program book for STE. I'm overloading myself with ideas, and I need to schedule some time soon to work on putting the ideas in writing and moving forward with them. It's an exciting overwhelming!

Changing the Blog

Made some changes to the blog today. As I mentioned a few posts back, I just moved on from Secretary for Sigma Theta Epsilon to Vice President for Sigma Theta Epsilon. So, I thought this would be as good a time as any to make some changes.

You'll notice you can now see the tags from all my previous posts, and sort through them that way. You'll also notice a picture from my wedding, and a new title. The new title (I'm Just a Witness) is not just about my man-crush on LeBron James, but is also on the renewal I have in my life to be an honest Witness for Christ, for STE, and for Journey.

There might be a few other minor changes coming ... like, hopefully, more frequent updates. I guess we'll have to wait and see ...

Frustration

All I need is one break.

Honest, that's it.

Something in this industry to go my way.

Thought I had one coming. Thought I had a slam-dunk, first account lined up today. Just had to figure out when we were going to cross the t's, dot the i's, and move forward.

But, I got another "I'm not saying no, I'm saying not right now".

And it's frustrating.

I just need a break.

So, if you're reading this and you are a small business owner, or you know a small business owner ... can you help a brother out?

Replacing an Icon

Been busy lately. This past weekend was Sigma Theta Epsilon's National Conclave of Chapters. Leading up to the meeting, I was National Secretary, and coming out of the meeting, I'm now National Vice President.

It's odd. I was elected National Secretary three years ago (in 2004), and I had no timidity about my ability to do the job, even though it didn't exactly match my skillset. I was a wide-eyed kid, about to be fresh out of my undergraduate studies, but I knew what I needed to do, and I knew I could do it.

It probably helped a great deal that I had a checklist of tangible measurable things (like getting out newsletters, membership records, and the such) that I could measure my success against that would help me. It also helped my confidence that I walked into the office with its standards not exactly the highest, and simply catching up on the past two guys' lack of work would be a success.

Now ... I'm National Vice President. Charged with being the programming and spiritual leader of the fraternity. Something much more suited to my skillset. And yet, I'm much more tentative about having success. Some of that is the success in this office is less tangible and less in my full control. Are there programs available? Are people using the programs? Part of it also has to be that I'm replacing someone I consider an icon of the fraternity, and a mentor of mine, in the position.

I think I'm off to a good enough start. Lead devotion Sunday Morning, encouraging us as a fraternity and as men of God to not limit ourselves to trying to do what is good, but try to do what is better. Introduced a programming theme, "Made For Love", and using a key verse of Micah 6:8, encouraged our members to be made for love, and to love loving others.

And now to follow through.

The weekend was amazing, but difficult to get through at times. And not just for business stress. Also for emotional baggage. Shan lead worship on Sunday morning, and the beauty of my brothers singing in my voice moved me, and brought me memories of JZ. I almost doubled over, overcome with emotion, and had to leave the room, but was able to make it through. The image of JZ looking down on conclave from heaven, and smiling as we moved forward as fellow workers with God was almost too much for me to bear.

It's not as though I shouldn't have seen it coming. I've had a string of bad days recently where thoughts of JZ have just rushed into my head and overwhelmed my emotions. About ten days ago, I was out shopping with my wife and her mother, and just got this urge to talk to JZ about the Indians ... get his opinion on if they could only keep one, who should they keep: Pronk or Hafner. I could hear him arguing both sides, just trying to put all information out. And I missed him so much. And I still miss him so much.

I finally figured out on the drive home why this weekend was so difficult for me in regards to JZ memories. One, JT was the alumni delegate for my "home" chapter, and JZ's best friend. Two, of the two events I had no control over that pushed me to National focus, JZ was integral to both. He nominated me for Epsilon President way back in February of 03, and he organized the first multi-chapter STE Bowl game, which lead to my desire to see more of the same, as well as some recognition for me as chapter president, when the game was a great success.

I can credit my national involvement and my ascension nationally at least in part to JZ. And he's an icon in my life that none will ever replace.

I think I should look into getting some grief counseling. I've been overcome by emotion often recently. I've stared into the heavens and longed to talk sports with JZ. I've stood in department stores holding conversations with JZ. I've closed my eyes and asked Grandpa if he's proud of me. I've driven down 30 and wondered why I didn't do more to be closer with Erin.

It's not that I don't like to remember. I love to remember. It's not even the tears I don't like, because they remind me that I have great joy in part because of those I miss. It's just ... I feel like I'm not making progress, and I don't know what else to do.

I knew I was lucky when I got through 22+ years of life before I lost someone very close to me to the icy hand of death.

I guess I never realized just how lucky.

Meet me there

And now for something completely different ...

After a couple of half-serious posts, I thought I might post something serious, with a reflection from Journey a few weeks back ...

Let's say you and a friend are at your house, and you decide to go somewhere else. The friend says to you "you go on ahead, and I'll meet you there." So you both leave your house, and you take a path to your destination. Your friend is not beside you on that path. Are you mad at him? Of course not. The intention was to meet you there, not be at your side for every step along the way.

Yet, do we sometimes find ourselves in a similar situation with God, and get mad at him for only wanting to meet us at a destination, rather than walking every step of the way with us?

A couple of weeks back at Journey, we looked at the first half of Luke chapter 10. It opens by saying (NASB):

Now after this the Lord appointed seventy others, and sent them in pairs ahead of Him to every city and place where He Himself was going to come.

The Lord did not set out with them. He sent them to places he would be. Future tense.

And yet, this is somethign difficult to grasp, at least for me. Why wouldn't God be with me along the way? Why would God set me on a path, and only want to meet me at the destination?

Yet, the more I meditate and perculate on it, the more it makes sense. He is our Father. If you watch any parent, as their children begin to walk, they stand behind them, arms stretched down in case they fall. As the children become more stable in their walking habits, the fathers bend and stoop less and less. Eventually, it gets to the point where the father can sit across the room, and just enjoy watching his kid walk across the room without any help from him.

So why can't our Father be the same way?

He'll meet us there. Even if he's not there every step of the way. Even if we have to go through rough patches on our journeys. Even if we get delayed on the way. He'll meet us there.

And isn't that reason enough to keep walking towards whatever destinaton He's meeting us at next?

Days like this could kill me, but at least I'd die happy

Another solid day of basketball. Another solid day of bad-for-me food. The two seem to be going hand-in-hand. Also, Rachel decided to stay in Columbus all day. Not a coincidence that my food choices didn't become any healthier.

let's see if we can tally up the food (so far) today ...

2 corned beef sandwiches with swiss cheese on sourdough rolls
8 deep fried jalepeno poppers
4 boiled red potatoes topped with butter and oregano
3/4s of a cabbage (look, vegetables!)
1 large slice of pie
several heaping handfulls of garden salsa sun chips
1 can of pepse
1 corona

Add to that the self-imposed stress of near heart attack(s) from watching the Buckeyes game (thank you, Ron Lewis, for sparing various articles of furniture in my house from being destroyed), and following the Cavs game online (32-31 halftime with Boozer outplaying Hughes and LeBron combined??? thank you, Sasha Pavlovic for playing an entire game, and thank you LeBron for playing a rock solid second half), and I'm amazed I'm still alive. This day can't have been good for my heart.

Rachel better come home soon. I might not survive many more days like this.

And on that note, I think I'll go eat some more. I've got more Corned Beef, so that's an option. Or another big slice of pie ... or some Girl Scout Cookies ... hmmm ...