Missing Z

Rachel's post today hammered home a lot of good, emotional points. I miss him so much sometimes. There are days when I'd give just about anything to be able to call him up and talk about sports. I remember breaking down (in public) this past summer when I was considering (after the Indians resigned Travis Hafner) if they could afford to keep Sabathia and Sizemore around, and if not, trying to figure out which one would be the better keep, and knowing that if I could get JZ's opinion on it, he'd know exactly the right and most sensible answer.

But it goes beyond sports. Beyond any single topic we ever talked about, and Lord knows we covered just about every spectrum of conversation we could. I just ... miss him. Rachel's right. We're supposed to be getting together to watch the draft in a few months, having children grow up together, and all that stuff. That's how it was supposed to work. I still get angry with God because it doesn't work that way.

I offer two things today, in this post, in memory of Joshua Wayne Zickefoose. A song and a joke. If you don't like sick twisted humor, and/or you might find offense to certain types of jokes, I'd warn you not to read the joke at the end of this post. It's the one alluded to in Rachel's post.

This is a song that brought my a lot of comfort a couple of years ago when in the span of a week I lost a dear friend who was also a peer and my grandfather during Christmas Break from ONU. Some of the details of the song don't really apply to me, but the overall feeling and message of the song does bring me comfort and hope.

Thinking About Forever
P.O.D.


[Time goes by and God knows I try to carry on with the life]
Decide not to hide feelings inside, even though they hurt
Sometimes, I forget to remember you
It’s easy to lock away these pains, don’t want to relive it through
But I stay strong, you taught me how to move on in this world
I married my sweetheart, even got a little baby girl
I wish you could see her, I swear she looks just like you
[If you can hear me, show me a sign, please send a butterfly or two]

chorus:
[I’m thinking about forever missing you (I'm thinking about forever)]
[I know you’re so much better we made it through (I know you're so much better)]

Now I know what it means to live for someone else
To give up yourself
[Things have changed, and times it gets kind of strange]
Your love remains the same
Do I make you proud? Mama, can you see me now?
Whatever is good in me is because you showed me how to take love by the hand
And so now I can share you with my baby
So that she can understand

chorus

ending chorus:
[I’m thinking about forever missing you (I'm thinking about forever)]
[I know you’re so much better we made it through (I know you're so much better)]
[I’m thinking about forever missing you (I'm thinking about forever)]
[I’m tripping on whatever hearing you (I'm tripping on whatever)]

This was one of JZ's favorite jokes. Mandy didn't let him tell it because it was so awful. I don't particularly like it, but it reminds me of him, so I tell it, because it's like having a part of him back when I tell it. I'm sure this will offend some of you, but I'm sorry ... I have to do it.

So, a woman went into labor on the first of April. She went to the hospital very early in the morning. The birthing process was long, painful, and complicated. But, finally, after several hours in labor, the baby is delivered.

Immediately after the baby was delivered, the doctors took it from the room. An hour goes by, and they still haven't returned the baby to the mother. Two hours, three hours and still no baby. Finally, six hours after the baby was delivered, the doctor enters the room, dribbling the baby like a basketball. He chest passes the baby to the mother who is laying in bed, and she ducks in horror and involuntary reaction and the baby flies through the window and plummets to the ground.

In horror and grief the woman yells at the doctor "Oh my God, you just killed my baby"

The doctor replies "April fools! It was born dead."

I miss you. You bastard.

For Jenette ...

I'm not sure I've ever dedicated a blog entry to anyone before, but there's a first time for everything, right?

So this entry goes out to Jenette. Mainly because when I read the clip I'm going to post below, I immediatly thought of her, mainly because I have no problem at all picturing the described interaction happening in her household. Mainly the nicknames, and the last line celebration, but none of it is all that much of a stretch.

Of course, having said that, it's also not much of a stretch to imagine it happening in my household, either, assuming Rachel and I ever have children. Nor is it difficult to imagine it happening between Ryan and Andrea. Or, well, a whole host of my married friends. It seems we're all pretty odd.

Without further ado, I present a copy-paste job of this week's much anticipated, many times postponed, and highly hillarious Sports Gal's Rant, via the Bill Simmons Mail Bag from December 14th:

Since giving birth six weeks ago, I haven't picked up an Us Weekly, read pagesix.com or watched a movie from start to finish. My whole life revolves around nursing my son, or as I like to call it, "giving the boob." (We'll call it the GTB from now on.) With all the diets out there, I'm blown away there isn't a Hollywood Lactation diet. I mean, you lose 500 calories a day -- that's at least one sprinkles cupcake or a large Pinkberry with fruity pebbles on top! How come there isn't a breast pump for non-moms called the "Fat-Sucker" on QVC? If Britney had only known, maybe she would have given up the Vodka Red Bulls post-partem and hit the breast pump.

Unlike some new moms who wake up every two hours, I'm not losing much sleep because I sleep facing my baby. If he gets hungry during the night, I just pop open a button and he's ready to eat. Sometimes, I'll even fall back asleep for the rest of the night this way -- Bill calls it the "24-Hour Drive-Thru." Bill loves making breast-feeding jokes. If the baby is hungry in the morning, Bill shouts, "Give him the boobs benedict!" If he's crying in the afternoon, Bill says, "Give him the boobs marsala!" or the "boobs and chips!"

We have a good sense of humor about GTB in the Simmons family. Even when our daughter lifted up her shirt and tried to GTB her brother once, we thought it was funny and never considered having her see a psychiatrist. Another good thing about breast-feeding: When you leave your house, just bring a nursing frock and you're good to go. I know I'm upsetting the La Leche League here, but I'm in the Barbara Walters school -- you shouldn't GTB outside your immediate family unless you're being discreet. One of my male friends recently watched his friend's wife GTB right in front of him, without a frock, and couldn't even carry a conversation because he was so rattled. I felt bad for him, and not just because Bill would pass out in the same situation. Anyone who GTB's without a frock needs to get over themselves.

Lastly, you can multi-task when you're GTB-ing. In fact, I wrote this whole rant during a GTB session and probably burned 150 calories. Woo-hoo!!!

We have good friends

So, yesterday, I'm at home working on a few things (chief among them, I believe, was Kansas clinching the Big 12 North title on my current season of NCAA Football 2005 for the Nintendo Gamecube with a thrilling come-from-behind 36-35 victory over rival and then-#5 Missouri), and Rachel calls to talk to me about Small Group. Our Small Group meets on Thursday evenings, but a few of our members had other obligations last night, and it was supposed to be myself and my wife, Terry and his wife, and Karen.

Karen had a scheduling mishap, which was what Rachel was calling to tell me. So that left us with a choice, to either cancel group for the evening, or just have a really small group with just the two couples. I thought it would be good to see Terry and Caddie, but we ultimately left it up to them.

A call came while Rachel was still at job #3, and Caddie asked that we refrain from eating supper until Small Group, so we could have a meal together. So that was fine, as we usually don't have time to eat until after Small Group anyways. What happened next completely blew me away.

The door bell rang at about 6:15, and Terry stood on our door with a box, and asked the simply question "do you have room in your fridge for a ham?" I could only mutter a simple yes, as astonishment took over my mind at the love being shown to us in this simple and small way. This was followed by a trip around the back roads of Findlay to Tony's Restuarant, a local place, where Terry and Caddie treated Rachel and I to dinner (mmm ... steak sub was excellent, and Rachel tells me the chicken pot pie soup was, too).

As dinner was wrapping up, they asked if we had any plans. Rachel's big plan was to catch up on some of the ironing, and my big plan was to watch the Browns-Stillers game. Terry mentioned that if those weren't too pressing, they'd enjoy treating us to a viewing of "The Nativity Story" at the theatre. Blown away again by generosity and love, Rachel and I accepted, and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and the movie.

We have such great friends. And such a great God who has put us in position to live life with them. I literally was crying today as I was driving and reflecting on the agape shown to us last night. Love given without any expectation of a return. Thank you Terry, thank you Caddie, and thank you God.



Oh, and for those of you who have been praying about this, I have an announcement to make ...

I Have A Job!!!