Friday, January 04, 2008

Missing Z

Rachel's post today hammered home a lot of good, emotional points. I miss him so much sometimes. There are days when I'd give just about anything to be able to call him up and talk about sports. I remember breaking down (in public) this past summer when I was considering (after the Indians resigned Travis Hafner) if they could afford to keep Sabathia and Sizemore around, and if not, trying to figure out which one would be the better keep, and knowing that if I could get JZ's opinion on it, he'd know exactly the right and most sensible answer.

But it goes beyond sports. Beyond any single topic we ever talked about, and Lord knows we covered just about every spectrum of conversation we could. I just ... miss him. Rachel's right. We're supposed to be getting together to watch the draft in a few months, having children grow up together, and all that stuff. That's how it was supposed to work. I still get angry with God because it doesn't work that way.

I offer two things today, in this post, in memory of Joshua Wayne Zickefoose. A song and a joke. If you don't like sick twisted humor, and/or you might find offense to certain types of jokes, I'd warn you not to read the joke at the end of this post. It's the one alluded to in Rachel's post.

This is a song that brought my a lot of comfort a couple of years ago when in the span of a week I lost a dear friend who was also a peer and my grandfather during Christmas Break from ONU. Some of the details of the song don't really apply to me, but the overall feeling and message of the song does bring me comfort and hope.

Thinking About Forever
P.O.D.


[Time goes by and God knows I try to carry on with the life]
Decide not to hide feelings inside, even though they hurt
Sometimes, I forget to remember you
It’s easy to lock away these pains, don’t want to relive it through
But I stay strong, you taught me how to move on in this world
I married my sweetheart, even got a little baby girl
I wish you could see her, I swear she looks just like you
[If you can hear me, show me a sign, please send a butterfly or two]

chorus:
[I’m thinking about forever missing you (I'm thinking about forever)]
[I know you’re so much better we made it through (I know you're so much better)]

Now I know what it means to live for someone else
To give up yourself
[Things have changed, and times it gets kind of strange]
Your love remains the same
Do I make you proud? Mama, can you see me now?
Whatever is good in me is because you showed me how to take love by the hand
And so now I can share you with my baby
So that she can understand

chorus

ending chorus:
[I’m thinking about forever missing you (I'm thinking about forever)]
[I know you’re so much better we made it through (I know you're so much better)]
[I’m thinking about forever missing you (I'm thinking about forever)]
[I’m tripping on whatever hearing you (I'm tripping on whatever)]



This was one of JZ's favorite jokes. Mandy didn't let him tell it because it was so awful. I don't particularly like it, but it reminds me of him, so I tell it, because it's like having a part of him back when I tell it. I'm sure this will offend some of you, but I'm sorry ... I have to do it.


So, a woman went into labor on the first of April. She went to the hospital very early in the morning. The birthing process was long, painful, and complicated. But, finally, after several hours in labor, the baby is delivered.

Immediately after the baby was delivered, the doctors took it from the room. An hour goes by, and they still haven't returned the baby to the mother. Two hours, three hours and still no baby. Finally, six hours after the baby was delivered, the doctor enters the room, dribbling the baby like a basketball. He chest passes the baby to the mother who is laying in bed, and she ducks in horror and involuntary reaction and the baby flies through the window and plummets to the ground.

In horror and grief the woman yells at the doctor "Oh my God, you just killed my baby"

The doctor replies "April fools! It was born dead."


I miss you. You bastard.

4 comments:

Dri said...

An interesting mix of beauty and depth from a song and outright nastiness from the joke.

Been thinking about you guys...

Rachel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rachel said...

For someone who never knew him ...

You really summed Z up in one sentence.

Well done AC :)

Anonymous said...

Hey, it's Mandy (I didn't want to "register"!)

I never saw this before. Thank you. I really can't even tell you how much this expression means to me. And it means that much MORE to me that it wasn't for my sake. I didn't even know it existed until a year after it was written. It's touching. Thank you for loving him that much.

And believe it or not, he came around on the awfulness of that "joke". There's only so many times a dog can get hit in the head with a newspaper for peeing on the carpet before the dog himself realizes it's wrong! Lol!

Love you.