Weightlessness

The sensation of being in zero gravity ... now that's something I'd like to experience. Wether in actual outer space (which would be very sweet), or some kind of simulation, I get the feeling it would just be a rush like no other.

But, I'd also like to feel another type of weightlessness. They type where you don't feel the heavy burdens on your chest and your life. Where you aren't weighed down by expectations, schedules, evaluations, and the such. Where you are just free to live life as it comes.

I think the last time I really felt that way was over a year ago. Rachel and I were on our honeymoon/one year anniversary trip to Denver, and we stopped just west of Denver by Mount Evans for lunch and located a pizza place called Beau Jo's. And we sat, and we enjoyed ourselves. We talked, and we didn't have to rush off. We didn't have to order from the menu based solely on price. We were able to try new things (like honey on our pizza crust). It was totally unplanned, but totally amazing. To this day, we still talk about how good Beau Jo's is, and how we'd return to Denver just to eat there.

And, maybe i'm romanticizing the moment. Maybe there have been other times since then, but that one really sticks out. But I'm hoping we can get some more of those.

I think tonight might be an opportunity. Rachel made some costumes for the local theatre and they gave her two tickets for tonight's show, so we're going. And there won't be a schedule to keep, or a bill to pay, or expectations. Just me, and my wife, and (hopefully) an enjoyable show that we had a small part in putting on.

Maybe tonight we won't feel the weight of the world around us.

I sure hope so.

I don't know how to swim

This is true. In a very physical sense. Never learned how. Don't really float either. I can sink pretty well, though.

Also true on a less physical sense. No idea how to swim and not be dragged under by currents. Never learned early in my life how to deal with setbacks and disappointments, failures and shortcomings. I always succeeded. So I never learned how to swim.

Reminds me of a Superchic[k] song ...

Help me out God I need a little something
Turn the brights on I can't see where we're going
Cause I don't know when things'll work out just fine
Or if this road we're on leads us up
Or is leading me on down to my wishing well
Where I might drown oh I might drown
Cause I can't swim without you God

On a non-related note, I'm looking for a list of movies with some hidden spiritual meaning. Nothing *blam* in your face like "Passion of the Christ", but some stuff with more hidden, secret almost, spiritual undertones. I've got a good list to start with, but I'm always looking for more. Let me know what you got to add to this list:

• The Three Lord of the Rings
• The six Star Wars
• Toy Story
• The Incredibles
• The Princess Bride
• Transformers: The Movie

Dear Sir, You Suck

This is getting old. And I'm sick of it.

"You Suck" letters coming in from companies I've applied to.

You know the type. They say, Dear Sir, You suck. Now, leave us alone. Thanks, Management.

Well, actually, it's more like:

Dear //name//,

Thank you for your interest in becoming //job title// at //company//. We were pleased to get to know you and to interview with you. However, we are pursuing the opportunity with candidates who are //more qualified/more closely fit our qualifications/more experienced// than you.

Thank you again for your time, and good luck in your future endeavors,

//Interviewer//

Blah!

I hate these letters. I hate them like Anakin Skywalker hates Tusken Raiders.

I got one today. Not that it's anything new, but it came from American Family, a job I was really hopeful about, and optimistic about, and even got my hopes and dreams wrapped around.

The whole process sucks.

Why can't a motivated young man with a college degree get a job?

I'm done with the whole thing. So frustrating, so irritating, so depressing. I'm done. I'm just done.

Ugh

That's about the best word to describe me right now.

I got a head cold from my wife (thanks, hun), and spent the night last night at her mom's house in Columbus. After some rest, chicken soup, and some medicine, I'm back in Findlay and my head is still spinning.

Ugh also at the election. Most of the things and people i voted for (or against) didn't go that way. At least the ads are gone, for a bit. But I'm sure they'll start soon for the 2008 elections. I can hardly wait.

Is it Wednesday yet?

I hate politics.

I cannot wait until Wednesday. When the stupid political ads leave my television. When I no longer have to hear about how awful people are, how stupid people are, how people have voted (in a vacuum), and how people are (or are not) associated with George W. Bush.

And while I'm on the subject, can we get to a year when I can vote on a slate based on voting for candidates who are the most qualified and best fits, rather than the least bad or least unqualified? Or at least, can we have a year when candidates focus on their strengths and tout those, rather than trying to tell us how to vote based on who we shouldn't vote for.

I hate politics.

Is it Wednesday yet?

Dreams

I'm not one who often remembers his dreams. When I do, it's quite the rarity. Even more rare is when I remember a dream that felt real. The type where you have no idea it's a dream until the next day you wake up, and the effects of the dream aren't there. Even more rare for me is to have a recurring dream like that.

So I'll share. Because that happened to me last night/this morning as I slept.

There's some sort of STE meeting taking place, but it's not a Fall Gathering or a Conclave, just a brainstorming meeting where all the chapters and national officers got together. It takes place somewhere almost directly south of Columbus, OH, but not in Ohio, although I was never quite able to pinpoint where exactly it was, but I do know it was on the campus of a large university.

Anyway, almost everyone is hating me at the meeting, and for reasons I cannot discern. I have a long list of ideas I'd like to discuss and throw out for discussion, but all the other National Officers keep giving me meaningless tasks to do to keep me busy and keep me from talking about anything productive.

Rachel is there, but is being very cold to me, and doing so deliberately, although she won't tell me why or give any clue as to why. In fact, the only people there who are doing anything nice to me at all and even listening to me are Kurt and Jason from the Beta Epsilon Chapter.

Anyway, the entire day is wasted on doing ... well, nothing, because everyone is forcing me to do meaningless tasks.

The first time the dream ended, I went to the bathroom, and then to bed, with a sick feeling in my stomach. Last night, when I went to the bathroom, I was exiting and Byron Leftwich stopped me and was getting ready to beat me to a pulp when I woke up.

(The Byron Leftwich appearance, by the way, is what tipped me off to this dream not being real)


Any dreamologists out there care to offer a take on a deep meaning for this recurring dream?

Posting from Illinois!

This has certainly been a fun weekend ... I'm in Illinois for my Fraternity at one of our four Fall Gathering sites. The day was an absolute blast yesterday. From Alex and I umping a softball game from atop a band director's perch, to a really awesome time of bonding during a religious project, to activating new brothers at a new colony, to going out with 20 of my brothers for pizza and soda, just an awesome, awesome time.

But I'm done travelling on my weekends. I want a week off.

Seriously.

This is not only the third different city I've been in the last three weekends, it's the third different state.

Two weeks ago, my wife, myself, and my mother-in-law travelled down to Salem, WV for the apple butter festival. Last week, my wife and myself travelled down to Columbus for a "birthday extravaganaza" for me put on by my mother-in-law. And, now, I'm in Illinois, just outside of the campus of Illinois Wesleyan University.

Not that I haven't had a blast the past three weeks. Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed them all greatly. I just am sitting here on my hotel bed posting, and I'd much rather have slept on my own pillow-top bed last night, with my new non-compression pillow.

Plus, I haven't been to Five02 in almost a month now thanks to travelling ... and I really can't wait to go again.

That didn't last long

So, Monday morning I went to work, and they told me that they had several machines down, and so I had the day off (since there was no work), and to check back the next day. That was fine, I hadn't really had a day off in two weeks, since the job was M-F and my weekends were spent travelling both weekends.

So, I'm thinking, sweet. I can do things I haven't been able to do. Like nap. And go to the five02 Monday lunch. And so I do. And then I get a message on my machine from the staffing agency that the factory I was assigned to was "reducing their force", and that I was a part of it.

So, back to being unemployed already, I guess.

But it's not all bad. I made enough to pay the bills for the rest of the month, and I was getting a little depressed working there.

So, now it's back on the trail, looking for something. Planning on going to the mall soon ... I'm sure this time of year *someone* there is looking for help.

Maybe not

I lie here lifeless
In this cocoon
Shedding my skin cause
I'm ready to

I wanna break out, I found a way out
I don't believe that it's gotta be this way
The worst, is the waiting
In this room I'm suffocating








... Sorry to be cryptic about myself right now ...

Meant To Live

So, sorry about the recent non-updateage. Been adjusting to a new schedule. Finally got a job, and 7 am is really early to be at work, and I'm still adjusting. But, that's kind of the point of this entry anyways.

So, I'm streaming RadioU and listening to it, and "Meant to Live" by SwitchFoot comes on. Great song. And my first thought is, honestly, "I don't want to hear this right now, it's going to depress me."

But it didn't.

Sure, I've got a Bachelor's degree, and thirty plus hours of Master's work, and despite that I'm working an eight-hour a day job at a plastic factory through a staffing agency just to pay my bills. And that's why I thought it might depress me.

But it just encouraged me.

I'm not laboring for man. I'm not laboring for myself. For the first time, I'm actually laboring for GOD. I'm moving forward in an attempt to advance his Kingdom. And, apparently, right now that part of the plan is taking the job I have and working it five days a week so I can prepare to move on to the next part of my life. If I really want "more than this world's got to offer", then why should not having a great paying and high profile job matter? Isn't HIS approval all that really matters when seeking "more than this world's got to offer"?

And that's all I want.

more than this world's got to offer
more than the wars of my father

God be glorified in all I do